let go or be dragged

I really have an ex… It’s a weird feeling to me. I never suspected it to happen, especially in the manner it did. No lack of love or any infidelities (to my knowledge), just a lot of misguided passion. We had our differences, but we always did and yet we still got together and it was great. Until it got bad… Then things never looked up after that point. It hurt so much to fight a losing battle. But my love is so deep, probably to a detrimental point if I let it. And man… I did. I kept getting hung up on the words… ‘I love you’, ‘I’m madly in love with you’, and ‘I want to be with you’. Words mean so much to me. Hearing the right ones kept me a lot longer than they should have. Even once I knew and fully realized the words and actions were not matching up, I kept fighting. Hoping something would change. Hoping for something deeper than the harmfulness that had become our relationship. Then it just got to the point that I had mad love for them still, obviously. I just cared for their well being over my own.

From the beginning it was rocky. Signs can be huge and you still shake them off cause you’ve convinced yourself the feeling and attachment are worth more than your own well-being.

I came out okay though. Heartbroken and a little confused, but that’s just because I cared so deeply. I gained wisdom that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise learned. I’m a lot closer to myself. I know my limits: what things are worth working through and what are just complete deal breakers. ‘Boundaries’ is now a word in my vocabulary that holds a lot of weight in my day-to-day life. I’ve learned that I must protect my energy at all times and costs. No relationship or situation matters more than my well-being.

Be strong enough to let go. When you realize a situation is no longer positively serving you, do yourself that favor and protect your peace.

on this day of love… reflection

on this day of love, I decided that instead of moping around because I am without a lover, I was indulging in acts of love and self-love.

when you do things out of love, the outcome is never the worry. you just do, effortlessly. 

when you do things out of love, for yourself, you effortlessly remind yourself what it really means to be yourself. when you love yourself, without conditions, living authentically comes more naturally. it becomes who you are. love. 

self-love, to me, is incorporating all things that genuinely make you light and happy into your daily life, routines and interactions. this will look different to all people because we are all unique when it comes to our own love. but it will feel the same regardless. love is too strong to be hidden and it should not be.

when I think back on the times I have felt lonely or unloved, I realize now that I was not living my life with love. expecting it to just show up and out for me, when it IS me. it could have very well been right under my nose, the type of love we all crave and romanticize, but how could I know love if I was not actively participating? 

love is everywhere and in everything.

everyone and everything has their own language of love. we can miss out on so much limiting our minds to what we have been conditioned to believe is love. love has infinite expressions. 

once I started being more open to the many different expressions, love never left me. my lows are no longer so low. my highs match levels of ecstasy. and in between, I still focus on the love. 

what you put out, you get back. why not make it love?

just a few thoughts on the close of this day of love. 

love and light

xoxo